Save Tonight
by Anyanka Jenkins
Summary: AU - It's been nine months since Edward fled the woods in Forks, fled from her for her. Each day his willpower crumbles a little more, feeling the insistent pull to return to her side. Upon returning, a passionate night will erupt between them.
1. Chapter 1: Everything

**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of SM. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

_Chapter 1: Everything_

_EPOV_

"_You don't want me?"_ She whispered her voice breaking as she struggled to maintain composure, "That changes things." Inside, my thoughts warred with one another.

_Believe me Bella. _

_Please don't believe me! I love you! _

_Leave me Bella. _

I maintained my cold composure and bending down, gently kissed the top of her head. I must run from here now, not look back, and put as much distance between her and I before I realized what I had done and lost control. I turned and left, willing myself not to hear her footsteps stumbling after me. She would be alright; with time her pain, as would her memories, fade, while I had nothing but time to live in hell.

How long had it been since I ran, no _fled,_ those woods by her home? I've lost count. In the beginning, I survived one week at a time, attempting to distract myself from the memories we shared, her touch, her scent, how she felt sleeping in my arms night after night. When these memories did not satisfy me, I would create new memories, of us _together_.

Now I survived one moment, one thought at a time. Each moment, each second I willed myself to _not _turn back, to return to her.

My phone buzzed relentlessly, my family – Alice, calling _again_. Over the months they had pleaded, begged, and even attempted to threaten me to return home. How could I rejoin them? They could never hold the feeling of peace, of being home for me. It would always be wherever _she_ was that would hold me, that would be my refuge from the world, would be my home.

I knew they would keep their promise to me, and remain away from … _Bella_. At times, it hurt to think her name. I could not see a future reunited with my family if they had seen her.

_Happy, laughing, in love, and in the arms of another. As planned, all thoughts of me removed. _

Damn! I _wanted_ her to move on with her life, to find love again. I left just so she could do that. However, each passing moment that brought her closer to someone new, also brought my will closer to shattering, to run home to her.

I threw the phone in the garbage. It was relentless. I'm sure Alice would eventually see another manner to contact me. Until then, I remained, as I had for an immeasurable amount of time, still, lifeless, and void of anything but … _the pain._ Closing my eyes, I leaned my head backwards until it met the long wooden beam, and sighed. The darkness, the void, the emptiness closed in around me and to it, I gave myself over.

* * *

><p><em>Nine Months Later ….<em>

Measurement of time had ceased for me, however as I wandered through the tiny southern town, I noticed the date of a local newspaper. My God, was it already June? Had nine months really passed since I fled the cloudy town of Forks? Today would be _graduation_ day for Forks High School. _Bella_ would be graduating from school and in the coming months, she would – if she had not already, be making life changing decisions that would remove her from the alcove of memories we had created in the overcast town of Forks. Would she return to sunlight?

I could still remember our first real conversation in Biology where she had shared her dislike for the weather. Would she return to Phoenix? Perhaps move to Jacksonville to be with her mother? The possibilities of her future were endless. If she left Forks, would I be able to find her? The idea of never being able to find her, to see her, to check on her again, almost brought me to my knees. Could I really endure a future in which I could never at the very least, check in on my beloved? I could feel my will crumbling beneath me and a growl escaped my chest. Before I realized my plan, I found myself running. Running from the ache, the nothingness, the void inside me and running home. My will had broken, I would be returning home. By tonight, I would be watching my … _not mine_ … Bella from the trees. Beyond that, nothing.

It was nightfall when I returned to Forks, which gave me cover while I ran through the outlaying forests. The graduation ceremony had completed hours ago, while students now gathered together for celebration. I found a graduation party at Jessica Stanley's house. Music floated from inside the house into the backyard where several students were moving with the music, chattering, and extremely excited about their passages into a new chapter of their lives. I searched their thoughts for Bella, seeking her face in their minds.

I stopped breathing as I searched, wondering to myself, _would she be her with Mike? Tyler? Would she be laughing, having forgotten me already? _I eagerly searched for the Newton boy's mind and found it. His thoughts were of recreating a relationship with the Stanley girl, not really a relationship, but rather a summer fling before heading off to college in August. At least he wasn't fantasizing of Bella, as he had so inappropriately done while we were in high school. Moving along, I found Tyler's mind, still no Bella. Then to Jessica, still nothing. Finally, to Angela Webber, but still no thoughts of Bella. Frustrated, I moved myself into a crouch and began to move towards the trees behind the Webber girl, she sipped her drink and moved side to side next to Ben.

I inched forward, moving as close as I dared to her left ear and whispered, "_Bella …."_

Angela immediately heard the ghostly whisper, goose bumps covering her exposed arms and long, slender neck. Ah yes, this is what I wanted. Her thoughts began to recall Bella's image today, how the gown hung limply on her too thin body, her sunken face, the wide – yet obviously, forced smile that never reached her lifeless eyes. _Oh God._ I felt sick. I could hear the echo of longing in her thoughts, how she wished Bella would have joined them tonight, yet how she had politely declined. She always declined Angela's offers, had ever since the _Cullens_ left. As I gripped the tree next to me, I pleaded with Angela to relent her onslaught of images of what had become of Bella.

_She is a walking zombie. Lifeless._

I took my leave from the party and began running towards the Swan residence, surely she would be home. As I neared the house, I held my breath, fearful that with so many months of separation, my bloodlust would overtake me. I climbed swiftly up the tree next to her room, and peered in. It was dark inside, and quiet. Either Charlie wasn't home or he was asleep. What time was it anyways? It felt too early for everyone to already be in bed. The window was open, so I slid inside the room. The bed was …. empty.

Carefully, I opened the door and went to Charlie's room. There was only silence, no heartbeat, thoughts, nothing. Confused and now slightly worried, I went downstairs. The stove was cool, and showed signs of disuse. I looked around for any clues indicating where either Bella or Charlie had gone. I found a calendar hanging by the kitchen phone and read the scribbling. Today's date was circled with _Graduation_ written down; it was at 10 AM this morning. Then _Fishing Trip_ with a line drawn today through the end of the week. Had Bella and Charlie gone on a fishing trip after graduation? That hardly seemed like Bella at all.

Confused, I climbed the stairs back up to Bella's room, my mind trying to consider possible answers to _where_ they had gone. I knew Charlie typically fished with Harry Clearwater or Billy Black, but due to the treaty, I couldn't go to La Push to search them out. I caught Bella's scent from the hamper in the bathroom and went to envelope myself in her scent as I thought. The bloodlust was intense; I could feel the venom gathering in my mouth, almost choking me as I swallowed it down. The burn in my throat was acutely painful; my thoughts become scattered, incoherent. As I inhaled her scent, gulping in the air surrounding her clothes, I fought to clear my mind and regain control. I could feel it in my fingers first, as I was able to loosen my grip around the dark top I grasped in my fists. Then the control slowly seeped into my arms, as the bunched and aching muscles relaxed, my thoughts as I found myself refocusing, then finally, my throat as I pushed the burn to the back of my mind. I dropped her clothes back in the hamper and jumped from her window to outside. I faced the back of the house and began to smell and taste the air for her scent, perhaps I would catch a break and she would be somewhere I could follow. Perhaps I could find her. I closed my eyes and gave myself over to finding her fragrances in the air, _ah_ there it was. I followed it, down the street and it began heading towards the edge of town. As I left Forks behind me, I began to worry – where had Bella gone? Why had she left town today? My heart plummeted as I considered, perhaps she had already left home, left town for her new life, college maybe. But I shook my head at that idea, nonsense, her room still contained her things, surely she would have packed and not left anything behind.

When I followed her scent to a familiar hidden road, I knew where she had gone - back to my home, to the glass house where our lives turned upside down.

_Crash._ I relived those moments, as Jasper lunged at Bella, blind with bloodlust, control gone, his singular thought: thirst for human. Bella screamed as shoved her out of his way. The blood that followed … my growls … my thirst for her blood. As I ran up the steps to the dark house, I closed my eyes and forced the memories from my thoughts.

There were no vehicles in the driveway, no signs of life. I walked around the house, nothing. I entered my former home, and still nothing. This was beyond frustrating. _There_. I caught her scent again and slowly followed it up towards my room. As I entered the room, I could still remember her laughter. It echoed like a ghost in the now dark empty space. No Bella. I followed her scent to the middle of the room, it was concentrated there. I leaned in and could smell … salt? Had she been here, laid here … _crying?_ I felt the ache begin again and I shoved it down. I had to find her. Clearing my head, I began following her scent again; she had left this room, left the house and gone … where?

I followed her trail again, back to the highway and continued outside of Forks. As I ran following her scent, I could only hope that it didn't cross the border. Would I break the treaty? Would I cross the border to find her? Thankfully, her scent turned and then followed another almost hidden road. It was a dirt road and I knew where it ended. _Our meadow_. Not wanting to waste time, I began to run at full speed, still sampling the air to ensure I was on the right path. _Our meadow_. Would she be there? I dared not think why she would go first to my home, then to our meadow. Fear was beginning to take hold of me as I worried what she may be doing. Damn, I shouldn't have thrown away that phone, what I wouldn't do to call Alice and beg her to look into Bella's future, tell me where she was and what decisions she had made at this time.

I caught her scent before I reached the meadow. It was concentrated and fresh, and I knew this is where I would find her. Slowly, I crept to the tree line, searching for her. And there she lay. The moonlight highlighted her still form between the cloud covers. I wanted to race to her, to make sure she was okay. But I forced myself to be still, to calm down and listen.

_Heartbeat. It's there. _

_Slow and steady breathing._

Her mind was silent, but I never could hear her thoughts anyways. As I crept closer, careful to remain hidden, I realized she was asleep. I relaxed and began my approach at a quicker pace, anxious to peer into her sleeping face again.

_Ah, this is what I have longed for. Waited for._

I allowed myself to be enveloped in her scent again, then paused – only yards away now, to gain control of myself. As I began to push aside the bloodlust, first from my bunched muscles, then my clenched hands, and was concentrating on the burn in my throat when she began to scream. I opened my eyes and saw her there. Curled up, arms wrapped around her slim frame, writhing in an invisible pain as she continued to scream. Her eyes were still closed; it did not appear that she had awoken. Was she screaming like this in her _sleep_? Her breathing was labored, she gasped for air, and it almost seemed as if her lungs refused to fill with the air she was desperately seeking. As I watched, her skeleton like knees curled up towards her chest, her fingers digging deep into her sides, her body straining as if something were ripping her apart from the inside. This nightmarish image, ghoulish as it was, held no degree of horror to her screams. The screams were guttural, echoing a deep ache in her heart that mirrored my own. I forced control over my bloodlust and ran to her side. I wrapped my arms around her, trying to soothe her as I hummed her lullaby. Her body began to soften, let go of its tension while the screams slowly subsided into low whimpers. I could hear her voice now, and it broke my heart, "_He_'s_ gone, he doesn't want me …. Edward please stay…" _She choked on my name, repeating her pleas. I continued my efforts to calm her and sighed with relief when her whimpers faded away into calm, even breathing.

I knew I should leave, before she caught me, but as I looked at her sleeping form, I could not will myself away. _Just one kiss_. Her lips looked so inviting, parted in a peaceful sigh, beckoning me to draw closer. My lips ached to touch hers, just one time. Then I would leave this meadow, content to watch her from the shadows, and allow her to live her human life. I inched closer, not breathing, inhaling her fragrance. God she smelled glorious. _Just one kiss_, I reminded myself. And with that, I brushed her lips softly against mine. A hunger began then, not for her blood, but for _more_. To touch her lips against mine, again. I pressed my lips to hers, flicking my tongue to her bottom lip, hungrily tasting her mouth. I slowly outlined her bottom lip with my tongue, savoring each flavor. My lips pressed against hers more forcefully, and I could tell my will was weakening. I had to end this kiss, I had to leave before she awakened. And then it happened, a moan – deep with pent up desire that had churned within me for the past several months, the hunger for her that had pulled me back here, and the sweet abyss she held for me, escaped my lips. As I moaned my pleasure, my heartache, and my longing – her eyes fluttered open.


	2. Chapter 2: All Fall Down

Chapter Note: I don't own it, I wish I did but I'll play with the characters for now. ;-)

Chapter 2: All Fall Down

All Fall Down: Performed by OneRepublic

Step out the door and it feels like rain  
>That's the sound (that's the sound) on your window pane<br>Take to the streets but you can't ignore  
>That's the sound (that's the sound) you're waiting for<p>

If ever your world starts crashing down  
>Whenever your world starts crashing down<br>Whenever your world starts crashing down  
>That's where you'll find me<p>

Yeah God love your soul and your aching bones  
>Take a breath, take a step, meet me down below<br>Everyone's the same  
>our fingers to our toes<br>We just can't get it right  
>But we're on the road<p>

If ever your world starts crashing down  
>Whenever your world starts crashing down<br>Whenever your world starts crashing down  
>That's when you find me.<p>

(Yeah) Lost till you're found  
>Swim till you drown<p>

Know that we all fall down  
>Love till you hate<br>Strong till you break  
>Know that we all fall down<p>

* * *

><p>BPOV<p>

Another day has come. I lay on the bed, my eyes closed, and focusing on my breathing. In and out, in and out. The ache begins in my heart, as always, and slowly seeps into my lungs, crushing them, grating them, causing rips and tears, so that even when I breath it leaks out from the jagged holes. Still I continue my mantra, in and out, in and out. Next the pain moves into my sides, it's a mixture of feeling as if I'm being kicked repeatedly in the ribs and someone crushing them from the inside. My fingers jerk involuntarily as I continue to force myself to breath, my knees curl up to my chest, as if the motion could provide some relief here. Yet, I welcome this pain. It is my only reminder that they, that he, ever existed. It comes in short bursts at first, and I bite down on my lower lip to keep from crying out. The pain comes in longer bursts, each worse than the one before. In and out, in and out. It will subside soon, I must ride this out and soon it will fade away, as he has also faded away. As the pain reaches it's peak, I try to remember his perfect, godlike face, his bell voice, his touch, his kiss. The blurred memories of his kisses bring the molten pain to its height and it slowly begins to fade. My lungs again hold air, and the pain is now a slow ache, but more manageable. I survived another onslaught.

I timidly opened my eyes, and am blinded by the bright sun streaking through the curtains. Thankfully, today is graduation. School will be at an end, and I will have fewer people to go through the motions for. Gradually, I resolve myself to sit up, dress, and go to the ceremony. There is no desire to do any of these things, only the desire to lie here, ceasing to exist, and allow the pain to take me. Charlie will be at the ceremony today, so I must make myself move.

I go through the motions, shower, brush my teeth, and dress, before shuffling downstairs. The kitchen is empty, Charlie has left hours ago for the station. He's left a note on the table:

Bells,

Make sure you eat something before heading to graduation. I'll be heading out with Billy for fishing after.

I sat down in at the table, not feeling hungry. Everything seemed to make my stomach churn and slosh. For months Charlie had tried to break through my zombie-like exterior, even threatening to send me to Jacksonville. In an attempt to get him to back off I had gone to a movie with Jessica and discovered how to recreate his voice. Afterwards, I had chased after the voice, doing crazy and stupid things like riding motorcycles with Jake out in La Push, hanging out with werewolves, or cliff diving – alone. It was the cliff diving that made me shudder as I remembered my near-death experience as the current and crashing waves had buried me in the water, the voice the begged me to fight, and the fire red hair coming towards me. Before the cliff diving, before Victoria had returned, Jake and I had spent every day together. While the pain still engulfed me at night, it was easier during the day and I found myself almost happy. Then Victoria came and all that changed, now Jake and the pack were patrolling, looking for Victoria and keeping me safe.

I wanted to spit the words – keep me safe. They were ugly, hurtful, and I deeply resented it whenever they were mentioned. He left in part because my safety jeopardized his family, it was because I wasn't safe that I was not good for him. Images of the woods flashed through my mind and I gripped the edge of the table, willing them away, pushing myself above them so as not to drown in their onslaught. In and out Bella, c'mon!

With a shuddering breath, I forced myself to my feet and glanced at the clock on the wall. There was still about half an hour before we needed to arrive for graduation and it would not take me long to drive to the high-school gym. I grabbed my cap and gown and drudgingly walked to my old pickup. As the engine rumbled to life, I glanced at my reflection in the mirror and practice a wide grin. Only a few hours of pretending today, certainly I could endure a few hours. Sighing, I pulled the truck out from the driveway and drove towards the high-school.

Some hours later, I was alone again. Graduation was over; Charlie frustrated had left directly after, nodding towards me and saying, "Congratulations Bells. I'm headed out, call me if you need me." And with that, he was gone.

The crowd was filled with quick embraces, cheerful "Congratulations!" ringed throughout the air, and slowly people began to filter through the double exit doors towards the staff and student parking lots. Families made plans for celebration lunches, while the kids all talked about Jessica Stanley's graduation party later that evening.

I looked down at my feet, paying close attention to their shuffling so that I did not lose ground. One step at a time, I was moving to the exit, wanting to be free of this, to no longer have to pretend to be okay. I was so focused, I failed to hear Angela come up behind me, "Hey Bella!" she called.

Inhale Bella, and smile. Looking up at her, I plastered on my best smile and said as cheerfully as I could muster, "Hey Angela! Congratulations!" She beamed at me, but her eyes held concern.

"Hey Bella, where's Charlie?"

"Oh, he left already. But he said to tell everyone congratulations." I hoped she would not push the topic further, Angela could be relied upon to be sensitive to other's needs and respect them.

"I'm sorry he left so shortly, would you like to come to lunch with my family? My treat." At that moment, Ben came up behind her and looped an arm loosely around her slim waist. In and out, in and out.

"Uh, no. I have a few things to attend to at home. But thank you for the offer. Have a wonderful time with your families." I smiled at them, and began to turn away. I could already hear the blood rushing in my ears and did not want this to be somewhere I fell apart, in front of all these people.

"Okay, I hope to see you tonight!" she called as I pushed the large gym door open. Now I was outside and felt like I could breathe again. I took a steadying breath and began to walk towards my car.

Once inside the safe haven of my car, I began to shake. Get control Bella! Don't do this here! Determined, I turned the key over in the engine, the truck roared to life and I maneuvered through the groups of people, celebrating, hugging, and gushing over this great day. I pulled onto the street and knew where I would go. Forks glided by as I neared the edge of town, and before I knew it, I had reached the hidden drive for the Cullen house. I turned the truck onto the drive and slowly, my truck rumbled up to their front door. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and walked towards the elegant entrance.

I knew they would not be here, logically the door should be locked, but it wasn't. The chambers clicked easily and the door swung open. As I stood in the doorway, I could still see Carlisle and Esme waiting there for the first time, welcoming me into their home. I looked to the side and could still see the piano; I remembered sitting with Ed - … him as he flawlessly played his music. On the other side I could still see Alice dancing blithely towards me, shimmering with her magic, and her chiming singing voice. I pulled myself up the stairs, I knew exactly where I wanted to go, where I could allow myself to fall apart. As I opened the door to his room, I heard the ghostly echo of Claude Debussy's Clair de lune fill my ears. The room was now empty, no more were the shelves lined with music, or the room scattered with his drawings, writings, or books. Empty. The light shone through the glass wall, illuminating the emptiness as I began to fill the familiar throbbing. Gingerly, I reached out towards the floor, sliding down to my hands and knees, crawling towards the center of the room. As the pain began to swell inside me, I gave way to the flood of happy memories here, knowing they would only amplify the ache inside me. The tears streamed down my face silently, as I gasped for air, unable to scream or even cry out. I lied in a ball, cluching my sides as the pain slowly slipped away, I clawed at it, begging it to return. Here of all places, the pain should be as infinite as the waves, carrying me out with them, allowing the release I so needed to drown myself in these memories. I wanted to scream as the pain moved further and further from my grasp. No! Stay with me! Even you leave me!

Angrily, I rose to my feet, ran down the stairs and out the front door. I slammed the door to my trunk and turned it back towards the highway. If the pain, the memories escaped me here, if I could not feel or hear him here, I knew there was only one other place to go. The meadow.

I stumbled to the meadow, finally seeing the magical clearing. I knew from previous visits that the meadow was no longer a magical place for me, yet still it called to me. Whispered enticing promises of remembrance.

As I entered the meadow, I allowed my eyes to slide closed, tilted my head up towards the soon fading sun, and inhaled the sweet fragrance. I stilled myself, listening. There was no voice, which I expected, but surely I would be able to remember him here. Over there, towards the middle, I can remember the first time I leaned in towards him, and how quickly he flitted away. Is that me, giggling now? Laughing at the memory or myself? What a fool I was, to think such a beautiful creature, someone so perfect could love me as I loved him. Angry tears built behind my eyes as I remembered his cool words in the forest, "I'm tired of pretending … I've let this go on for much too long."

The words called up so many memories, of the woods, of stumbling in the dark, of a broken promise, "It'll be as if I never existed". Yet, I stubbornly held onto his memory, sharpened only by the pain. Now, even stupid, dangerous, and reckless acts did not bring his voice back to me. I felt truly alone.

With this, I welcomed the crashing pain, the sobs, and the emptiness that threatened to consume me whole. I welcome all this, because this was my only reminder of him, the pain searing his voice, his image, into my head, not allowing it to fade away with time. Here I welcome the pain that was endless as the waves, crashing over me again and again. As I fell into a fitful sleep, I smiled, happy to have felt something. With that, I closed my eyes and the blackness took over.

It was dark outside. Oh God, I hoped this was not the forest nightmare. I remained calm and awaited the beginning of this nightmare. It was dark outside, yes, and I could feel his arms around me. I could hear his bell voice whispering, soothing me, and humming my lullaby. My body melted into his arms, my breathing was even. I felt incredibly relaxed. Then, I felt his nearness, his breath against my lips, and quickly – the brush of his lips against mine. A chill ran through me.

I knew I had to keep my eyes closed. Force myself to move to another dream. I could linger here. This dream was seductive, pulling me to a place where Edward loved me, cherished me, and held me in his arms. I knew this dream was more dangerous than any nightmare could be, I would surely pay for this dream when I awoke. The pain would be powerful, I may not be able to withstand the attack. So my eyes remained closed.

The kiss deepened, drawing me out of the protective shell, enticing me to come with it. I could feel the seductive pull, the silent command… Open your eyes, give yourself to me. Still, I remained firm in my resolve. I would not give into this dream, the pain would be beyond bearable.

Then, came the moan, born out of sheer desire and need, it ignites a white hot flame within me, I feel the shivers run from my toes, up my thighs and into the center of my stomach, causes my nipples to tighten, and a hot flash to throb in my center. The moan is my undoing. My eyes open, and he is here. I knew I would pay for this dream, but for the moment I was going to embrace him and his need that equals my own.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I'm back and I'm getting this story updated. Currently I'm going back through the already posted chapters (here on the site) and refinishing them. Once I finish with the existing chapters, I will begin posting new chapters each week, I'll be trying for Tuesdays or Wednesdays. :) I'm looking for a banner for this fic, so if you like it and are talented ... I would be ever so grateful! Reviews are better than stolen kisses from Edward, so let me know what you think and I'll send you sneak peaks! Also, make sure to go check out my story _Ginnungagap _- posted both here on FF and over at TWCS, and give it some love! 3**


	3. Chapter 3: In a Litte While

Chapter 3: In a Little While . . .

In a Little While performed by U2:

In a little while

Surely you'll be mine

In a little while... I'll be there

In a little while

This hurt will hurt no more

I'll be home, love

When the night takes a deep breath

And the daylight has no air

If I crawl, if I come crawling home

Will you be there?

EPOV

This is wrong. As Bella's wide eyes stare up into mine, I know what I am doing is wrong. I know that in this moment, any progress, if any, that either of us have made towards moving on with our lives, is shattered. I am absolutely still as she drinks me in, waiting for the rejection that I surely deserve, yet I am still surprised by her reaction. She turns her body more towards mine, so that she is now lying on her back, her body slightly angled towards me, our hips in line with one another, yet not touching. My inside arm is propped up on my elbow while the outside arm remains coiled around her slim waist. As she turns her body, her arms snake up and around my neck, entreating my mouth to return to hers. I know I should stop, should leave, and should regain control of myself. I take a steadying breath and prepare to remove myself from her grasp, when she completely destroys all my willpower, "Please," she whispers.

One word. One plea. All it takes is her broken whisper to shatter my resolve.

My head lowers again to her mouth, unable to speak, only grant her request, as I brush my lips again to hers. She sighs and parts her lips, granting me entry. My tongue languidly outlines her lower lip, tasting it and breathing her in. I pulled my lips over my teeth and nibble gently on her lower pout, tugging it into my mouth and caressing it with my tongue. It would be so easy to ... No. I transfer my attention to her upper lip, and finally explore her mouth. She moans, her body arching to be closer to mine, and I can hear her heart racing - like the wings of a hummingbird, it sounds as if it will take explode it's cage and take flight with excitement.

Breathe, she must breathe.

I break the kiss to allow Bella to breathe; my hungry lips move down and trace her jawline to her earlobes. Covering my teeth again, I pull one delicate ear lobe into my mouth, savoring its salty flavor while my tongue flicks and explores the delicate inner shell of her ear. Her fingers have found my hair, entangled themselves in it, and as I continue to taste and explore, her fingers tighten and pull at my strands. One leg slowly rubs up my outer thigh, hooking over my hip, bringing my erection to her hot centre, her taunt nipples pressed against my chest - our bodies separated only by fabric and growing frustration. God, how long have I ached for this? How long have I fantasized about this position right here? The demon rattles the cages, wanting her body.

The pull begins. The maddening urge, the call to brand her - make her my mate, to claim her. I wonder if, because she is human, her body feels the same? Does her body feel consumed to complete a union? Desperately I try to remember why I should stop, the need inside me peaking, threatening to overwhelm me. If I complete this union, if we do . . . this . . . I will never be able to separate myself from her again. You weren't doing so well last time you tried to separate from her. I know this and yet, my fears have not changed - loosing Bella's soul, bringing danger into her life, or what if she grows tired of me? Once I have mated with her, it cannot be undone. Once we have mated, it cannot be taken back. I will forever be her shadow and will never be able to leave her side again. Would I even have the control not to kill any other man who dared to look at her? My control was tested regularly with Mike Newton, I was barely able to contain it, reign it in, keep it from spilling over leaving his destroyed body in it's wake. Could I risk her soul to never be separated from her again, to have her with me forever?

Bella's hips move up to meet mine, grinding to a rhythm familiar to both our bodies, instinctively my body responds, my hips moving in time with hers, my erection pressing desperately against her. My body moves in sync with hers, and as if of its own accord – remains gentle and aware of the right amount of pressure allowed against her fragile human body. The noises she makes are so beautiful, so compelling, and combined with the feel of her beneath me, and the heady fragrance of her arousal drenching the night air, I forget myself and begin my descent. Carefully, I nip and suck at her tender skin, sweat from the warm, summer night beaded from the base of her hairline and rolling ever so slowly down her neckline pooling at her clavicle. As the beads roll down, one by one, my tongue laps at them, collecting each one and savoring it one would a fine wine. As I slide my lips down her throat, I find her heartbeat. How easy it would be to drink her dry, her blood practically humming beneath the thin membrane separating itself from my mouth. I swallow back my venom and ever so lightly trace her throat with my cool tongue. The demon shakes his cage, wanting to taste more, to drink from her, to claim her, to make her our mate.

I gasp for un-needed air, struggling to control my lust - for her blood and her body. I want her. I need her. God, I do not know how much longer I can hold on, how much longer I can hold back.

"Bella, we should stop this," I whisper hoarsely against her throat. I do not want to stop.

"Please, keep going, I need you," she pleads. Her voice is hot, and deep with need, stirring something in me, causing my erection to twitch in response.

A growl vibrates in my chest as her hands slip under the fabric of shirt and touches my skin. The electricity from her touch is staggering and I know that must have more.

More sweat has beaded and pooled inside the dip of her clavicle and as I lap it up, I realize her crew necked t-shirt hides the swells of her breasts, impedes me from discovering more of her delicious skin and hidden pleasures. On its own accord, my outer arm slowly slides up her stomach to her ribs, cupping a breast through her t-shirt. I can feel the tight, hard buds beneath and yearn to taste them. This shirt must go. In one movement, without a thought, or even asking permission, I remove her shirt, revealing a plain black bra with a snap in the front. My eyes greedily drink her in ... the rise and fall of her breasts, the valley between them, the flush of her skin ... The humidity is stifling for her, a wet blanket of heat, and I see several scattered beads of sweat across the tops of her breasts leaking into the cups of her bra. I brush the pads of my fingers across her clavicle, down towards her breasts, at the top of each swell, and where my fingers have lingered a crop of goose bumps appear in stark contrast to her flushed and gleaming skin. My hand continues down between her breasts, past her bra, and around her navel. Bella's back bows and she begins panting for me and my lips met hers again.

She responds so exquisitely to my touch, the moans, pants, and mewls of her passion calling to my own desire, my need for her. My mouth wantonly claims hers, my fingertips continue to lightly brush swirls and circles up her rib cage. She moans, pushing her body towards my hand. "Edward, please…"

My lips move back to her throat, my tongue flickering just below her ear, "Please what my love?" I tease.

She moans again, louder, while panting, "Please, touch me."

How can I refuse her? With a quick snap of my wrist, I unhook the front clasp of her bra, allowing her breasts to spill into my cool hands. "Like this, my love?" She only moans in response. My lips begin their trail downward, eager to taste her breasts, I slide them back down her throat, her clavicle, and then with a shuddering breath, my lips and fingers trace the tops of her breasts. "You are so beautiful my Bella," I whisper, her soft whimpers pleading for my mouth's attention, fingers reaching to hold me to her, to pull my lips to her breast, seeking any purchase by which to bring me to her. I chuckle, and deftly maneuver out of her hold, capturing her wrists, and gently pulling them over her head. "Shhhh, patience my love," I breathe into her ear. I return my free hand to cup her breast, while my lips whisper to the other breast. Bella shivers below me, panting even heavier. I laughed again, at her nipple, and then take it into my mouth. She cries out in surprise, bucking even more beneath me; driving me wild. I pinch her other nipple gently in between my fingers - rolling the hard bud between my finger and thumb while tugging ever so gently, moaning softly, and enjoying the taste of her skin. I pull my mouth away from her breast to see a taunt bud that glistens in the moonlight.

My hands continue their descent downward, pausing at her hips. What should have been bone covered in soft flesh is painfully bare, her hipbones jutting out beneath her soft skin. I lift my head from her breast to look at her hips, feeling concern break through my desire, wondering why Bella looks so frail and breakable, more so than she ever had while I was here, before I can ponder this too long, Bella more than easily distracts me as she moans again beneath me. I file my concern away for discussion after this, certainly this isn't the time to discuss how she had or had not been taking care of herself over the past several months.

My hands begin wandering again, down to the top of her pelvis, then down the tops of her thighs, my icy fingers finding bare skin just below the knees of her khaki capris. Gently, I spread her legs further apart, nestling my body between them. Hungrily I grind my erection into her center. "Oh God, Edward!" she cries out. Her cry distracts me and she is able to free her wrists, her fingers claw at my shirt, tugging at the ends, straining to pull it off. I smile again, and in a blur remove my shirt. I lower myself back to her, and begin to grind against her again. As she writhes against me, her mouth seeking any part of me she could reach, her hips began rotating and grinding against mine. The pleasure this creates is maddening and I am lost in the sensation. I can feel my control slipping, and know in the back of my mind I have to stop this. Stop this NOW! Regardless of the increasing volume of my inner conscience, I ignore it and begin unbuttoning her jean capris. My fingers slide the zipper down and I realize how far I am taking this. How far am I willing to go?

Bella takes notice of my pause and reaching up from below, taking a nipple in her mouth, sucking and nipping at it – as I had wanted to do to her. She pleads from beneath me, "Make love to me Edward, please, I need you," The sensation combined with her desperate, whispered pleas are my undoing. My control is lost, and I remove her jeans and panties in a quick tug. She lays beneath me, naked, and beautiful. That's when I smell her, not her blood, but her essence, her arousal. It smells delightful, and beckons my lips and tongue for a taste. I lower my mouth to her navel again, slowly licking downwards to the dip between her stomach and her feminine mound. Her fragrance assaults me again; stirring a hunger so deep within me I barely understand it. Acting on instinct alone, I breathe into her inner thigh as one-hand cups her sex. She stops breathing then, and while I want to look up, to ensure she is not harmed, I cannot pull my attention away from her thighs. Slowly, I rub one finder down her swollen lips, and feel them slick and ready for me. Curiously, I pull the finger back to my nose and inhale deeply; it smells even better than her blood. How would it taste? I lick my finger with my tongue, sampling her arousal. The lust that radiates throughout my body comes in thick, heavy waves.

I want more.

I need more.

Perhaps too quickly, I turn my attention from her inner thigh, to her swollen lower lips. I run my tongue between them, parting them, and tasting her, moaning as I devour her wetness. She is thrashing now, bucking her hips wildly, her fingers tangled in my hair, straining to pull me closer.

I taste her lips, my tongue sliding through the tender folds like through butter, and find her clit. Deftly my tongue flicks the sensitive bud. Pulling one hand from her thigh, I insert one finger inside her welcome opening. I pulled out again; I began a rhythm and feel her body responding to my mouth and fingers. Stretching her, I insert a second finger and curve my fingers to find that tender bunch of nerves. "Come for me, Bella, come my love…" I whisper. I continue my frenzied rhythm, in and out, and curving my fingers upward, towards her navel. She cries out, as she breaks, bucking and writhing below me, shattering in pleasure.

Blood flows quickly beneath her skin, pooling beautifully in her breasts, throat, and face as her orgasm erupts throughout her body, her muscles contracting around my fingers.

I know I should stop, I should allow her to rest, but I want her badly. In one flash, I withdraw my pants and boxers and pull myself up towards her face; my erection nestled between her thighs, just outside her entrance. "My love, tonight I make you mine," I breathe. I pause, to wait for her reaction and she lifted her hips closer to me, moaning and pleading for me to claim her.

I push gently inside her, feeling for the barrier I know I will break. When I find it, I cradle her tightly within my arms, and then in one swift move, push myself fully inside her.

Oneness.

I still myself, burying my face in her hair as she adjusts to me inside her. When I feel her begin to move beneath me, I begin to move in and out of her. The warmth of her body sears me, welcomes me, and I can feel her peak building again. "Bella, you undo me, you drive me crazy," I murmur as I move within her. My hands move down to her hips, cupping her smooth, warm cheeks in my hands, raising her hips to me. I raise myself onto my knees, raising her hips with one arm, her back with another until she is straddled around me, her legs wound around my waist, her face inches below mine. Lowering my head to hers, my mouth claims her as I continue to thrust inside her. I position one arm so that my arm and elbow supports her back, while my hand cups her cheeks. The other hand slid down between us, sliding between her swollen lips, and finds her clit again. I gently pinch it, rub against it, and whisper against her mouth, "Come for me again, love. Call my name," I breathe.

She does not hear me, too lost in the overwhelming pleasure my mouth, cock, and fingers are doing to her. I withdraw myself from her body, holding her sex right above the tip of my aching cock; my fingers hovered above her clit, achingly close. "Call my name, love, call it now…" Her body wriggles in my grasp, trying to lower herself back onto me, "I'll continue to make love to you when you call my name, you're mine, and say my name…"

"Edward…" she cries, moaning and pulling her body impossibly closer to mine. "Edward, I'm yours, please, please don't stop," she begs.

"Do not worry my love, I have no intention of stopping," I whisper into her hair as I lower her back onto my shaft, my fingers returning to her clit. "Now come for me, and cry out for me." I feel her spasms begin as her breathing sputters, she raggedly swallows air, gulping it in, her blood pumping quickly through her veins, pooling again in the swells of her breasts, her neck, at a beautiful pace.

"Edward!" she screams, over and over, her nails clawing futility at my back as the orgasm tears through her body, shattering her completely until her body begins to sag against mine. As I feel her body melting into mine, her cries for me, I loose myself, reaching that brink and climaxing inside her.

"Bella," I moan roughly, holding her hips to me. The last orgasm rolls through my body and I lay her gently back onto the meadow floor; her hair pools beautifully around her, creating an angelic halo with her dark tresses. Her skin glows and hums from the blood that pooled throughout her body, warming her skin, and adding a beautiful pink blush.

I adoringly gaze at her, my love, my mate, mine. I have claimed her, made her mine once again. Consequences be damned, we will deal with the past several months with the morning light. Until then, I will lay next to her, basking in our love. Slowly, I lie down, pulling her into my embrace. Her cheek rests against my naked chest. "I love you Bella," I whisper into her hair. "I will never -"

She murmurs against my chest softly, "Mmmm, Edward. This is such a pleasant dream, don't let me wake up. Please." Her voice broke on that last word, and my world shatters and breaks in that instant. A dream? She thinks this is a dream?

As I consider the heartache I may cause her when she wakes beside me the next morning, I wonder to myself, should this just all be a dream for her?


	4. Chapter 4: Breathless

**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of SM. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who has added **_**Save Tonight**_** to their favorite stories and/or Story Alerts! You have no idea how excited that makes me! Thank you for the awesome reviews, hang in here with me: I promise you I hear what you're saying! Just keep reading. This is a hurt/comfort story after all. ;-)**

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><p>Chapter 4: Breathless<p>

_Hopefully you'll be fine without me by your side_

_Hopefully I will too_

_Times have change, now why I don't even know myself_

_Do I event want to?_

_You can breathe will I suffocate myself_

_What is it about you?_

_That leaves me breathless_

_You leave me so breathless_

_And now I can't be_

_Out of sight, out of mind, out of sight of you_

_You believe in lies_

_Like the one you told yourself_

_**BPOV**_

I could feel the sun's warming rays on my body, the warmth caused a tingle in my hair all the way to my scalp, moving downwards to my lips, my throat …. To my shoulders, down my arms, until my fingertips tingled. The warmth continued to roll throughout my body, towards my very center of my being. I wanted to moan again, entice his return, and be one with him again. How well I knew though, that it was only a dream, as dreams faded away with the night and was replaced by the brightness of the day, I could feel _him_ also slipping away. If I held absolutely still, maintained my even breathing, perhaps I could still hang onto this dream, put off facing the daylight and resounding pain that it would bring.

No one can fight the sun. It cannot be prevented from rising.

There I lied, breathing evenly, willing myself back to the swirling darkness of my unconscious. Yet, my body refused to cooperate and within a fraction of a second, my battle was lost. My eyes opened to the bright sun overhead, a light breeze coursing through the meadow sent a light chill through my system. As I lay there, forcing myself to breath, I could feel the emptiness growing inside. _Just a dream._

Though I knew this dream would bring with it irrevocable damage, I could not regret it. For a night, he had loved me again, held me with passion, _wanted_ me as I wanted him. For a night, I was his again. The emptiness was seeping through my veins now, first numbing me and then burning from the inside. This pain would be different from the pain of his memory, it would be more harsh, more searing – a reminder that our _relationship_ was merely imagined. "_I have to stop pretending,"_ he had said. Pretending to love me, to care about me, to want me.

I choked on the sob that made its way up through my throat, my breathing now labored and ragged. Slowly I pulled my knees up to my chest, my only thought to contain this ache inside me, to breathe, I felt like I couldn't breathe. My lungs were slowly pressed downwards, squeezed in sharply, my throat felt closed, my body aching for the oxygen it desperately needed. The pain was vast and immeasurable; it was an abyss that I could not escape from, a stone that slowly pressed into me … crushing my vital organs, my spirit, even my will, leaving me broken in the meadow.

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><p>I'm not sure how long I lied in that meadow, frozen by my own pain and the longing ache. It was no surprise when I finally rose from this position how sore my body was. Granted how well could it be for my body to spend an evening on the meadow floor?<p>

Slowly, I stretched one arm above my head, followed slowly by the other. My fingers uncurled towards the sun and sky, feeling each muscle uncurl in suit. Even though Charlie would be away through the end of the week, I knew I should return home. Reluctantly, I moved away from the meadow back towards the trail. It was a five mile hike and with the afternoon already halfway through, I knew I should get back before it became too dark to find my way. As I moved slowly and carefully down the trail, I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck rise, goose bumps covered my arms, and I could feel each nerve come alive inside me. My heart began to race and my breathing became quick and unsteady. _Get a hold of yourself!_ I admonished. Yet, I could not help but feel my body's reaction was a warning of danger.

I glanced quickly behind, then forward again, nearly stumbling into Victoria. I shuddered and took a few unstable, staggering steps back. "Victoria…." I whispered.

She smiled lazily at me, taking one step forward.

Where was the voice? Would it deny itself to me in my final moments? Was I worth so little, it could not be bothered to care about my death? I could feel the sting of tears behind my eyes, gathering, and spilling over to my cheeks. This made Victoria grin widely, creating a chilling effect. Here she stood mere feet from me, fire red hair in a tousled, tangled mess, tattered jeans and a low v-cut tank top clinging to her curves, feet bare again. Yes, it was the smile, with the slight tilt of her head that really chilled me. She glided effortlessly close to me, within arm's reach now. Her fingers shot out and caught one tear as it slid silently down; she brought it to her lips, tasting it. Bright crimson eyes slowly closed as she savored the flavor, then shot open again, her lips pulling back in a beautiful yet terrifying snarl.

I knew it was hopeless to outrun a vampire, yet still I stumbled back a few paces. With perfect clarity I recalled Laurent's warning, mere yards from where I now stood. _"Victoria plans to kill you slowly."_ A strangled whimper escaped my lips. I could not imagine a more slow torture than these past few months, yet I did not want to put this theory to the test.

Victoria took another slow step towards me, her lips remained pulled back, a growl escaping her, and she crouched – prepared to attack. I held my breath, waiting for the spring, the tearing. Yet there was nothing. I opened my eyes, _nothing_.

My heart beat throbbed in my ears, my palms sweaty, my head pounded … had I just imagined it? I could not think of any alternatives, had Victoria really been there surely she would have attacked, if I had been saved by the wolves, I would have heard them as they raced by in pursuit. Surely, I must have imagined it.

Concern began growing inside my head as I considered this, first the night of passion in the meadow, then Victoria. What was wrong with me? Would it get worse?

Suddenly eager to escape the darkening forest, I began to run almost blindly through the leaves, branches, and underbrush. Before I knew it, I could see the clearing where I had parked my truck. As I registered this, my foot caught on a root, and I went flying downwards. My hands stretched out in front of me to catch my fall, scraping against the large, rough moss covered stones. I pulled myself up to my hands and knees, the sat back on my heels and examined my hands. My left palm was torn and bleeding, dirt and small pebbles were indented into the skin, my other hand had escaped unharmed, but I could feel a sting in my left knee as well, it also was bleeding. As I brushed the dirt and pebbles from the palm of my hand, I heard a giggle. The giggle bubbled in my chest, rose through my throat, and escaped my lips. _Was that me?_

The giggle continued to burst from my lips, evolving into laughter, unexpectedly erupting from me. Why on Earth was I laughing? In horror, the laughs changed gradually, became deep sobs, my shoulders shook below me as I muttered, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" Images of my last birthday flashed behind my eyes. It was _this_ blood that caused all the heartache I felt now; it was my inability to stand on my own two feet that had caused him to flee. My painfully normal self that had made him _pretend_. A scream escaped me then, a strangled, broken sound; pulling me to my feet, and I turned towards the tree and began hitting it over and over with my inefficient fists.

"I loved you!" I screamed as I hit it again and again, "Why did you leave me? Why did you pretend?" The sobs, the screams, rolled through my body as it began to slowly slump back towards the brown and green earth below my feet. "I can't breathe without you," I murmured, feeling the soreness in my throat from the screams. "You left me, all alone. You were my everything, and now I have nothing. You left me…" I relaxed further into the tree, feeling all my energy sapped from my outburst.

The hole did not care if I had already spent all my energy in the forest, the acknowledgement of _him_, of the pain, of the emptiness I felt was all it needed to gain hold of me again. The truck was only a few feet away; surely I could make it there. I just needed to get to my feet, but I could not make my body respond. Already, it was going numb as the hole began to spread, and without a fight, I surrendered to the darkness.

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><p>It was morning again. I could tell because of the red haze that lit up the backs of my eyelids, but it was a muted effect; I could not feel the sunshine on my body. My legs began to shift restlessly, I felt a sensation on my legs … was that a blanket?<p>

My eyes shot open. I was in my bed, at home, in Charlie's house. What the hell? How did I get here? Wasn't I just in the forest? I looked down at my body, my breath catching in my throat. I was wearing one of _those_ bedtime outfits, loose fitting light blue shorts with a royal blue tank top. For the thousandth time, I heard myself asking, "What is wrong with _me?_" This outfit had been pushed firmly to the back of the floor of the closet, one of the reminders of _him._ I strictly evaded all clothes, gifts, even music itself that could trigger a memory of him.

Kicking the covers from between my legs, I threw my feet over to the side and scrambled to my drawers. Agitated, I threw the clothes from the drawer seeking the jean capris I had worn to graduation. They weren't there. Chewing on my bottom lip, I tried to reason where I would have put them. The hamper. Practically tripping over my feet I swung open my bedroom door and crossed the space in the hall to the bathroom. I tore open the hamper lid, and there on top were my capris and t-shirt. My fingers curled around the fabric, bringing it close to my face for inspection. No visible stains, rips, or tears, pulling them close to nose, I was unable to smell the forest, mud, or anything else to indicate I had been in the forest. Slowly I sank to the bathroom floor, feeling the handles dig into my back as I slid my body downwards. Had I even been in the forest? Had all of it, the visit to the Cullens' house, the meadow, Victoria, stumbling through the forest – had all of it been a dream? A violent nightmare? I could not, with any amount of certainty be sure.

Slowly, I inhaled deeply, filling my lungs with air, pausing, holding it in while thoughts and questions swam about in my mind. Just as slowly, I began releasing the air. I continued this pattern until I felt steady enough to stand. Pushing against the heels of my hand, I began to rise, when I felt a sharp sting in my hand. I gasped at the sharp pain, and pulled the offending hand closer, there were shallow scraps along the underside of my palm. As my mind whirled and spinned, searching for an answer to hold fast to, all I could do was think to myself, _it _was_ just a dream, wasn't it?_

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><p><strong>Chapter Note:<strong>

Make sure to check out Alex Goot's song, _Breathless_ on his YouTube Channel: Gootmusic. Sorry this chapter is a little shorter than the others, but hopefully I'll get a chance to pick it up again this weekend.


	5. Chapter 5: Wonderwall

**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of SM. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**A/N: Hopefully you've caught onto the chapter patterns. If not, keep an eye out!**

**Chapter 5: Wonderwall**

_And all the roads we have to walk are winding_

_And all the lights that lead us there are blinding_

_There are many things that I would like to say to you_

_But I don't know how_

_Because maybe_

_You're gonna be the one that saves me_

_And after all_

_You're my wonderwall_

**BPOV**

I groaned, the light was simply too bright. Slowly, I raised my hand to shield my eyes, squeezing them shut behind the brightness of the morning. Reflexively, my legs stretched out, my thighs lengthening, then my calves, and finally my toes curling and uncurling as my back arched slightly backwards. It was at this moment that I became aware of several things at once.

I was back in the meadow, the grass tickled my toes as they stretched and my arm as it covered my eyelids. The cooling summer breeze wafted through my hair, gently pushing it behind my neck and falling lighting between my shoulder blades.

As my eyes adjusted, I peered downwards through my thick lashes at the odd and unfamiliar blanket I was wrapped in. Besides the fact that I could not recall _returning_ to the meadow, I also was unable to remember _where_ this blanket had come from. Everything about it was unfamiliar to me – from the sensation of the fabric against my skin, the bright coloring, or the design. During my apparent memory lapse, I had disrobed and was completely naked beneath this odd blanket. Seriously, I should begin to really worry about my mental health – all these odd dreams were beginning to swirl and blur, until reality became so jumbled together with my dreams that I was unable to separate them from one another.

Very slowly, I moved towards the top edging of the blanket, it was wrapped securely around my body, tucked together securely under my arms, meeting together at my breasts. As I inspected this odd blanket, I became aware of the familiar fragrance that drifted slowly up. My heart stopped beating as I also became very aware that I was not alone. Seated behind me, was something very hard – like granite, unmovable, and _cold_.

My mouth suddenly became very dry, the banquet of meadow flowers and dancing grass tilted as my breathing hitched. Painfully slow, I turned my head inch by inch to look over my shoulder. My eyes met with a man's beautiful, yet pale, chest. Swallowing hard, I raised my eyes and gazed into the ever patient face of Edward.

I nearly dropped that damned blanket.

It all happened at once, I gasped in surprise, my fingers losing their grip on the blanket to cover my mouth, and then his cold hand was on me then – keeping the blanket together, while never breaking eye contact with me. "Good morning, did you sleep well?"

Mouth gaping, all I could do was nod. He was just as I remembered him, yet the memories were dull in comparison of this god-like man seated next to me. In this moment, I knew I was dreaming again. What was the last thing that I knew was real? Was it graduation? Had I graduated yet? Perhaps this was several days later? I tried to capture one point that I _knew_ without a doubt to be real, yet could not.

Had I really pushed my delusions so far that I was now trapped inside my own mind? I snorted, and Edward raised one perfect eyebrow in surprise. This was fantastic, I had no clue where I _really was_, if anyone would ever find me, and how my parents would deal with this probably-expected turn of events.

"May I ask what you find humorous?"

I waved my hand around the meadow and then gestured towards him, "This! I've finally gone utterly crazy, trapped within my own mind that I can't even tell dreams from reality anymore! I wonder if I'm in my own bed, or in the truck, or at your .." I stopped, not wanting even my dream-Edward to know how I had stalked his memory.

"You think you're dreaming?"

I nodded, my sides painfully exploding in more laughter, eyes squeezed shut as tears slid down my cheeks. God, how long had it been since I had really laughed. Too long, with Jake hunting for Victoria, I rarely saw my friend anymore, the only light I had in this eternal darkness in hell. It was with this thought that I whispered his named aloud, "Ah Jake, I'm so sorry," I realized I had let him down terribly. And Charlie. And Renee. And even _Edward_. I had let them all down when I had retreated this far into my mind.

I looked back to Edward now, who looked alarmingly concerned. "I do not know what you mean, Bella. I assure you, this is not a dream. Do you remember last night?"

"Hmmm, I want to think I do, however I cannot recall when _specifically_ last night was. Was it my birthday?" Perhaps this dream picked up after that fateful birthday party, only in my dream, the party had gone smoothly and we were here – together - in our meadow.

"Er, no. You're birthday was nine months ago or is another three months away. Depending to _which_ birthday you refer to."

I thought harder, obviously there was something he wanted me to remember, something important, but I couldn't put my finger on it. "I'm sorry _Ed –" _I paused, swallowing the lump that had suddenly risen in my throat, threatening to betray me with a broken, hoarse voice, "I'm sorry, but I do not know what you want me to remember. Can you help me?"

As I said this, I watched his eyes go from warm honey, to dark amber, his jaw clenched, and I worried that I had said the wrong thing. He smirked then, as he whispered, "I would be happy to remind you." His lips claimed mine then, his tongue skirting my bottom lip, his hands cupping my face, blanket forgotten and slowly sliding downwards. At that moment, I felt the meadow breeze against my naked breasts and hardening nipples, and felt myself deeply blush. He chuckled against my mouth, "Remember last night, love."

Flashes of us tangled together on the meadow floor ripped through my mind. My own voice, wanton with desire, moaned, pleaded, and groaned for him. His whispers of adoration and love, his multitude of apologies, hot in my ears. Surely I had lost total connection with reality if now my dreams were trying to support one another. I was lost in the sensation of being in his arms again, of the idea of those limitations to our relationship having been removed. A heat began then, started in my stomach like butterflies expanding their wings, and then moved as a shiver into my heart, through my shoulders and to my fingertips.

"I remember," I whispered.

His head withdrew from my face; now leaving inches between us as he drank me in, his eyes searched my face, then moved down my throat to my collarbone, to the swell of my breasts, to … The blanket had dropped. Edward's eyes became hungry as they wandered my breasts, taking in each curve, dip, and swell. "God help me, I want you again…" he whispered. His voice was barely above a whisper, hungry, and throaty. In that moment, his lips captured mine again, hungry and demanding, while one hand reached out and cupped my breast. I moaned against his mouth, his touch felt amazing.

"Never wake up…" I mumbled against his lips. Before I could even speculate what I had said wrong, he was away from me, leaning against a tree a few yards away. Feeling rejected, I gathered the blanket around me as hot tears stung the corners of my eyes. Even in my dreams, he _still_ didn't want me.

I fumbled around the grass, searching for my clothes, unwilling to look his direction. As my fingers curled, returning empty time after time, I noticed his slender white fingers curled around my clothes, arm outstretched. "T-t-thank you," I stuttered. I turned my back towards him as I awkwardly attempted to dress myself one handedly.

He sighed. "Bella, I _want_ you." His hands cupped mine now, stilling them. "Love, this is not a dream. I cannot, in good conscience, make love to you again unless you realize this. That would be wrong on so many levels."

My fragile control was slipping, if I did not get away from him this moment, I would be unable to hold it together. "Fine, fine, it's not a dream. I'd like to get dressed now."

"Bella," he growled, turning me towards him, my tear stained cheeks now painfully evident. "Bella!" His tone was softer now, gentler as his arms wrapped around me – cradling me. "Love, please believe me when I tell you that you are awake."

"How can I believe that, when you are_ here?_ You are saying these things to me, things I know aren't true, this dream is just cruel." There, I'd said it. Perhaps now, I could return to reality, while leaving this wonderful dream behind.

"What can I do to convince you that you are not dreaming?" He practically shouted this, anger and frustration radiating from his body in waves.

His arms crushed my body to his again, one hand snaking around to deftly snatch the blanket away, the other wrapped behind my shoulders, my skin jumped as his cold flesh met my own. Determined, he leaned in for a kiss, while his free hand now molded my breast, pinching my nipple, causing involuntary moans and mews of pleasure.

"This will prove you are awake," his mouth was pressed against mine again; his tongue now demanding entry, and then thrusting into my mouth, flitting in and out, in an erotic dance. I whimpered against his lips, knowing how much a dream such as this one would cost me. As he stole my breath, I heard his faint whisper, "Save me, Bella. Only your love can save me…"


	6. Chapter 6: Rolling in the Deep

**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of SM. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Chapter 6: Rolling in the Deep**

_We could have had it all_

_Rolling in the deep_

_You had my heart inside your hand_

_But you played, with a beating_

**EPOV:**

In this moment, my mouth lowered to hers, to claim her again, to demonstrate my love for her, my _need_ for her. Her lips were soft and yielding below mine, God she was so responsive to me. "Save me Bella," I whispered, "Only your love can save me."

Later I would realize what a mistake that had been. Her body stiffened then, lips no longer responsive, arms dropped to her sides. Then she was distancing herself from me, the physical pain from her withdrawal was instant and sharp and I cried out from it, my arms extending then, reaching for her, returning her to my grasp.

Yet, she resisted me. _Damn_, I was stunned. Was this not the very same woman I held in my arms the night before, the same one who _begged_ and pleaded for me to continue? The same woman who called my name again and again and again? Surely it was! Why now, was she rejecting me when she had so eagerly accepted me only a few short hours prior?

"Bella?"

My arms were locked around her still naked body; her fingers trembled as they attempted to cover herself, her body shielding itself from me in every possible manner. Without looking, I snatched the abandoned blanket from the grass and wrapped it quickly around her. The strain and stress was radiating from her, shoulders hunched at an awkward angle, jaw stubbornly set and turned away from me, eyes focused on the tree line. _What the hell?_ Angry now, I shook her shoulders gently at first, then as her silence grew with each minute, more and more urgent. _"Isabella!"_ I practically roared.

Finally, she turned to face me, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth, browed furrowed in concentration, tilting her chin upwards to look me in the eye, "Edward, no."

My frustration was reaching a boiling point, confusion, anger, hurt, and rejection, all threatening to bubble over the surface. Still so attuned to me, she placed her palm flatly on my chest and said, "Give me a minute."

The minutes crawled by as she organized her thoughts. Inhaling deeply, her eyelids slid closed for a moment, and it was hard not to notice how sunken her eyes looked, her skin even paler than it had been before. "Edward," she was speaking now, "this cannot continue."

Drawing upon decades of discipline, I smoothed my face into a blank palette, "Is there someone else?"

Bewildered, she considered this for a moment before continuing, "No, Edward there is no one else. _But_, I'm not sure what you are doing here, why you've returned. I cannot help but feel that it's some sort of guilt, an obligation of sorts because of Victoria." _Damn, did she know what I had been doing?_ "I had hoped Alice would have told you I was perfectly safe –"

"Alice?"

Bella blinked then, looking perplexed, "Yes, she was here just a couple of months ago. I had assumed you had discussed the whole situation with her? I thought that was why you had returned? I promise, I have not been jumping off anymore cliffs like that since-"

"WHAT?"

Visibly she cringed inside my grasp, as if she could move away from me. The idea of Bella jumping off a cliff was so staggering, that without intending to, I squeezed her closer to my body, hearing a small _squeak_ as I failed to fully control my strength. Quickly, I adjusted, loosening my grip around her and heard her inhale deeply. "Er, I thought Alice told you about all that?" When she noticed my shocked face, she quickly continued, "If you didn't know about the cliffs and Victoria, why _did_ you return?"

"You _will_ explain to me what you mean about jumping off cliffs and why on Earth you are so preoccupied with Victoria. Bella, I thought you promised me you would be careful!"

I could feel her blush spread throughout her body, feel her anger radiate from her, felt her fingers curl into fists, and her shoulders visibly shook with anger, "I will, will I? I will tell you all about my life since you've been gone? Why Edward? What gives you the RIGHT to know what has happened these last few months? You threw that right away the night you walked away from me! I don't have to explain anything to you!" With that, she wiggled free from my arms, and began hastily gathering her clothes, hopping on one leg trying to get her panties on one handed while her other hand feebly tried to keep the blanket around her naked body.

Anger surged through my body, in a moment I was on my feet, by her side again and right in her face as my fingers grasped her shoulders, wheeling her to face me at a dizzying vampire speed, "Yes Bella you WILL tell me what happened! How am I supposed to protect you if I do not know what happened?"

"It's not your _job, _your _obligation_ anymore! Move on Edward! I'm releasing you from whatever you feel you owe me! Just please, go! Go and leave me," she whimpered this, her knees beginning to buckle beneath her, "Leave me to my misery," she whispered.

_God, what had I done to her?_ Slowly breathing in and out, I could tell she was trying to regain her composure, trying to still her body, to regain control. Sighing, I tilted my chin down searching for the top of her head, "Bella, love, I did not come back for you because of some imagined _obligation_ I feel towards you. I returned because I love you, the pull was too strong and I had to return to you. Don't you know that my only place is right here beside you?"

"Edward," her voice was so quiet now.

"No, Bella, I'm staying here with you. I will fix this. You cannot make me leave you again. I will be here with you until you turn me away."

"She might not be able to make you leave leech, but I bet I can," came a voice from across the field. I stiffened. 

_It can't be._ The odor that was wafting across the meadow towards me was one I had not smelled in seventy years. _It's impossible. _

In my chest, I head Bella murmur, "Jake." Then the air shimmered around him as a giant wolf emerged, stalking steadily towards me.

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><p><strong>AN: So a couple of questions and reassurances for you all ... Let me start that saying while Jake IS going to be in this story, it is strictly a BxE story, so don't get too anxious! :)) What are you thinking so far? Am I keeping you on your toes? I'd hate to be predictable! **

**Let me also say THANK YOU to everyone has subsribed to me and/or this story, that's so flattering! Thank you for the reviews as well. I'm not enirely sure how to reply to them yet as I am newer to this site BUT I'm working on learning. Someone had mentioned, "I hope this isn't where he leaves or leaves her pregnant". That's not really the direction I'm taking this story, but I think a plot like that has a lot of promise. Have any of you read a BxE AU that explores this? If you've read a good one, leave me recommendation!**

**Here's what I've read this week that I thought was pretty great: Blood Play (?sid=12696) by kissyfur. It's for sure a "Darkward" story, so steer clear if that's not really for you. After reading this story I've decided I want to try my own hand at a "Darkward" story and have got something brewing right now for you! :)**


	7. Chapter 7: What do I have to do?

**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of SM. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter 7: What do I have to do?

**BPOV:**

I needed to get away from here, from this meadow, from _him_. If I remained here too much longer, surely I would break down, beg him to never leave me again, and ruin any chance he may have at a happier existence. My brain and my heart felt so overwhelmed, it threatened to overtake me, my legs felt wobbly and unsteady, my knees threatening to buckle beneath me any minute … there they went. His arms circled me, steadying me. _God, I could get lost in his arms, his scent, his touch._

_Get control of yourself!_ I chastised myself. If I was unable to gather the strength _now_ to leave him, to walk away this instant, I never would. The anger, that is what I had to hold onto, that, would have to fuel me until I could make it home. Hell, I just needed to make it to my truck. Who was I kidding? Be realistic, concentrate on making it out of this field first, and then worry about the remaining distance. Then I heard him, declaring his love for me, explaining his pull to return to me, his refusal to leave my side ever again. My head was spinning in confusion, was he lying now? Was he lying then?

Before my mind could begin to sort through his words, sift them in my brain, sorting them into categories of what was believable, what was probable, and what was logical, I felt Edward's body stiffen beneath my own. His arms held me rigidly close to his chest, a low growl simmered in his chest, and I could feel him shift my body in his arms, prepared to run if needed.

"She might not be able to make you leave leech, but I bet I can," the familiar voice was angry, so angry. I could practically hear his teeth grinding together across the meadow, could feel the hot angry waves roll off him.

In that split second, everything and nothing changed in the meadow. Everything was still the same, the atmosphere thick with tension, hurt, betrayal, and a boiling rage quickly reaching the surface. The air was so thick with these emotions, one could taste them in the air, bitter and hot in my mouth, leaving my tongue swollen and dry, my throat parched as the rage withered the air.

"Jake," my heart ached for him. I felt Edward's hand twitch on my shoulder, the moment subtle, breaking rank for only a thousandth of a second. Jake had wanted so badly for me to love him, more as a friend. Charlie had pushed so hard for me to love what was good for me, to try again, to try to love with Jacob. I _did love him_; he was my best friend, my protector, the one who pulled me out of this black hell I lived in.

Edward had forever altered me. My heart belonged to him. I knew there would never be anyone for me after he had left. Forever a huge piece of me would be gone, taken with him in the dark moment in the woods. Unintentionally, he had ruined me for anyone else in my life. Jake refused to believe that I had _really_ loved Edward, that I was capable of loving a _leech_, or even more impossibly – that a leech was able to love anyone, anything, let alone his dinner. Incredulously, Jake believed that I would get over it, move on, and learn to love again. That he would be there for me, and when my eyes finally opened, they would see him.

Weeks passed, then months. Nothing changed. Jake grew frustrated, angry. How could I begrudge him this? At least he stayed with me, never giving up on me. Shuddering, I wondered how lost I might be if Jake had given up, walked away, sought someone better who could love him back. I laughed darkly. It had not escaped me the changes I had gone through in the past nine months, a sane girl did not chase delusions.

My thoughts were caught short as the air rippled as Jake phased into his giant russet wolf. I was behind Edward then, pulled tightly to his back as he faced the giant wolf before him. "No!" I screamed, muffled against his back. Wiggling and kicking, I managed to break free, knowing it was only because he was distracted. "No! Don't fight!" I ran between the two of them, forgetting my state of only being half dressed. This however did not escape either Edward or Jacob, who roared angrily in Edward's face. Jake's massive shoulders dipped and slumped and he bared his teeth at Edward.

"Bella get back!" Edward called, not loosing contact with Jake's gaze.

"Stop! Both of you! You cannot fight each other without hurting me! Stop!" I placed myself in the middle again, one hand up, pleading with them to stop, the other clutching the blanket firmly around my body. How I wished I had gotten dressed sooner than this, rather than standing boldly between them, half naked and vulnerable.

Jake moved further, his fur still bristling angrily, growls low in his throat. Edward took the opportunity to hand me all my clothes and then shield me with his body as I quickly dressed myself in my jeans and t-shirt.

"He wants you to go back to Charlie's house," Edward said, his eyes sliding back and forth between Jake and I. "He wants to talk to you, _alone_." He turned to Jake then, "How do I know I can trust you _dog_? You could kill her if you phased too close to her!"

Jake whimpered and snapped at Edward, who took a visible step back. Their gazes held one another, never blinking, never turning away, never backing down. Just staring. I placed my hand on Edward's shoulder, breaking the spell, he turned and looked at me, "I'll go home and talk to him. I can call you after; we can finish this talk later." He looked impish then and I swear if he _could_ blush, he would have. "What?"

"I kind of smashed my phone a few months ago."

I groaned, "Fine, then come by the house at 6 tonight. That should give me a couple of hours to get home, clean up, talk with Jacob, and think. Okay?" Nervous that Jake would pursue Edward if we simply turned and ran, I turned towards Jake, my eyes met his angry and hurt ones. "Jake, Edward will take me back to my truck, do not follow him or attack him. Understood?" Jake whimpered but his head dipped down and then pulled back up a nod. "Thank you Jake. I'll meet you at my house."

When I turned to face Edward again, his gaze was still intently focused on the large wolf behind me, low growls were vibrating in his granite chest. "Stop it Edward. I need you to take me to my truck," he nodded silently, then scooped me up in his arms and ran. The sensation of coming home hit me as his arms enveloped me and pressed me to his chest. My body ached in remembrance of those precious months together and of the previous night. My resolve to be strong, if just for this short time, waivered as I inhaled his sweet scent, then I made the mistake of opening my eyes to gaze up at his face. The trees were whizzing by, blurring together, branches and leaves dancing together, till I was unable to separate where one branch began and another ended. _Close your eyes_. I reminded myself, willing my eyes to shut. The nausea was coming quickly now, I had to breathe in and out, in and out, in and out. I could handle this, I would not throw up on Edward like this, would not waste this time I had stolen.

He stopped. We had arrived to the clearing where I had parked my truck. As Edward put me back on my feet, I instinctually reached out to a nearby tree to steady myself. "I can help you with that," he said.

How could I tell him I had slowly adjusted over the months? That I had learned to only rely on myself to catch myself when I fell? That I had learned how to deal with the fall itself, the impact? Now was not the time to share thoughts like this.

"Go hunt Edward, or go home, whatever you need to do. I'm going home now." Then I opened the door to the driver's side of my rusted Chevy. It groaned in protest as I pulled it open and climbed inside, the engine roared to life, stomping out my thoughts and forcing my concentration on the task at hand.

Edward tapped on my driver's side window, his face set in decision, I rolled it down, "I will be there at six Bella, dog or no dog." I understood his point.

"See you then," I murmured and began pulling away from the clearing, my heart hammering in worry as I drove home where I knew Jacob would be waiting for me.

* * *

><p>My skin tingled as I drove back to Charlie's house, I nervously looked around, expecting to his unexpected face to jump out at me. Yet I saw … nothing. I chuckled; do I really expect to be able to catch a glimpse of him if he did not want me to see him? <em>No, of course not<em>, I thought, remembering his very effective demonstration that first day in the meadow.

As I neared my house, my heart rate began climbing in nervous anticipation of my discussion with Jake. What could I really tell him? How could anything he saw or thought he understood be acceptable? It was Jake that had really helped me survive, if only to exist, these past nine months. It was his always happy personality, his easy going warmth, and the familiar family that I had bonded with from spaghetti parties, to bonfires, and even cliff diving.

The gravel protested under my old truck as I pulled into the drive. Sighing, I turned the engine off and began to breathe in and out as deeply as possible. If Jake was here, he was ignoring my arrival, probably giving me the time to sift through my emotions and himself time to become calm. Glancing at my clock, I realized that regardless of my actions or inactions, time was going to move forward and I knew I would most defiantly not want Jacob to still be at the house when Edward arrived.

I pushed the door open and swung my feet out to the muddy gravel of the driveway.

_One foot in front of the other Bella, you can do this._

Sighing heavily, I pushed my feet forward, tumbling up the stairs and through the door. Jake was already there waiting for me, hunched over my couch. "Jake," I began, my mouth hung open as I tried to find the right words. What could I really say?

_Sorry I've rejected you these past several months, but see Edward just breezed right back into my life and oh, between my legs too?_

No, that wouldn't work at all. My mouth shut audibly with a soft snap.

His head jerked up then, I noticed his eyes were red rimmed – from crying. I had never seen Jake cry before. I had seen him angry, frustrated, confused, soft, warm, gentle, and even loving. Never had I seen him cry before. The back of his hand roughly wiped across his eyes, his chest shuddered as he breathed in, and he stiffly stood to face me. "Bella, what the hell happened out there? Why were you … you know, not totally dressed? I thought that leech had left!" His face was distorted in a mask of anger as he spit out the last part.

"Jake, I – uh, I just don't know what happened. They _did_ leave. The last time I saw any of them was a few months ago, when Alice came to visit. I had no idea Ed" – oh God, my lungs felt compressed again, the hole shimmered inside me, as the mention of his name threatened to tear me apart from the inside. _Get a hold of yourself Bella, _I commanded myself. "No idea that _he_ was planning on returning."

"How could you have no idea? Bella, you were practically naked when I got there! Did he, did he – Bella, did he hurt you?"

_Yes Jake, in so many ways he hurt me. None of which are the ones you are implying._

"No Jake, he… I know what you're thinking and well," my frustration built as my inability to communicate with Jake grew. "Jake, he didn't force me. I wanted to, with him," The blood rushed to my cheeks, pooling there as I felt the heat radiating from my face.

"God, Bella. That's disgusting!"

"Jake, this isn't your business. I know what it must have looked like, when you got there. I know we were fighting, but this is private. This is something I have to work out with him." I kept my eyes averted from his face, not wanting to see the disgust, anger, and betrayal there. There was no reason for me to feel so incredibly guilty while explaining this to him, but I did. The conflicting emotions – anger and hurt at his disgust, embarrassment at the whole conversation, fought within me. As the heat rolled off his body, now so close to my own, I knew that he also was waging an internal war with his emotions.

The words came spilling out now, "Bella, I've wanted you for _months_. I have loved you for so long; I cannot seem to remember anything else before you." With one large stride, his body moved closer to mine, mere inches away and his arms enveloped me, his scent filling my senses. He murmured into my hair now, "God, Bella. I kept thinking, if you only had more time, that you would move on. That you could learn to love me like I love you. Bella, I have been aching for you. I've been good to you, _so_ good for you. I could see you getting better before my eyes, healing, and becoming more whole. I know I've been gone these past few weeks, but it's been to hunt that fucking redhead. _For you_. Then I get home and go to find you and smell him all over your house…." His tone had turned angry now, his fingers began to tighten around my arms, and I could feel his mouth pulling away from my hair. "Bella, I was out there for _you_, keeping _you_ safe. Where has he been? Not here. He hasn't kept you safe, just me Bella. Then I find you and you're …. _With_ him, like _that_! With a _leech_! He could have killed you! I can't believe …. that … you let, you allowed – ugh, that you _wanted_ him to touch you like that!" His voice began to tremble and shake with the deep emotion, his fingers digging even deeper into my arms. I kept my body very still, hoping his anger would pass. The next words he spoke were barely a whisper, "That you let _him_ touch you, but you never allowed me, not once, to even kiss you."

He looked down at me then, eyes blazing, anger and hatred radiating from his body, hands tightly bound around my arms, and he lowered his head to mine. "You are _not_ his. You are mine, I love you, I am here and I would never hurt you like he has," then his mouth was on mine then. Warm lips crushed against mine as I whimpered against him.

"Ow, Jake, please stop, you're hurting me," I pleaded, but he did not hear me. My words were stopped then as his lips crushed back to mine, his tongue pushing against my tightly pressed together lips.

"Let me kiss you Bella," he growled, his voice rumbling deep within his chest.

I tried not to, but I cried out then, "_Please_ Jake! _Please_ stop, you're hurting me!"

The air was very full then; Jacob's hands were no longer gripping my arms, his body no longer pressed against mine. Now he was against the wall separating the living room and the kitchen, with Edward's slender fingers encircling his throat.

Most surprising was Jacob's lack of fight, his eyes were closed, head rested against the wall, with the exception of his hands, which were loosely around Edward's wrist, his body was totally limp. Had I not known better, I would have already assumed that Edward had somehow incapacitated him. "She asked you to stop, Jacob – you were hurting her." The smooth, velvet voice was very familiar; the lethal coolness however, was not.

"You can have her, I don't want her anymore," it was just a whisper now, "You deserve each other. I should have let the leech get her, better her really dead than with you."

"It's because of your protection of her that I don't kill you right here _dog_. Never speak to her like that again." Slowly, Edward lowered Jacob to the ground, releasing his throat when Jake's feet touched the floor. Without glancing over to me, Jake scuffled out from the house, ran towards the woods, and then he was gone.

The door remained open from where he had left, the only evidence of him being here, of the altercation that had taken mere moments to play out. Automatically, I stepped forward, closing the door until I heard the soft _click_ of the chambers locking into place. I pressed my forehead against the door, hoping the coolness and the pressure would help my sort through my thoughts. It didn't.

Time moved forward, first seconds clicking by on the clock hung over the kitchen, then minutes. Feet frozen, head throbbing, and heart aching; I simply lacked the willpower to move from that location. Eyes squeezed shut; I slid down the door, until I was curled into the corner behind the door. A sob escaped me then. I tried desperately to hang onto it, to lock it inside me, to not show _him_ this weak part of myself.

Until this moment, he had been so still, if my body did not seek out his, feel his presence when he was near, I would have been fooled into thinking he had left. Yet the air hummed with his nearness and the hole began to throb with his distance.

I just couldn't breathe.

My arms wrapped around my sides, trying desperately to hold myself together, the hole growing larger and larger, the pain slicing through me.

Then it was gone.

He was beside me now, tenderly shushing me, rocking me in his arms. There were no comforting words in this moment, as my world stopped spinning in its axis and I tried desperately to make sense of the last twenty four hours.

In less than a day I went from my detached, zombie shell, running towards the pain if only to _feel_ for those agonizing moments, to giving myself completely to Edward, to losing my best friend, and now back in Edward's arms. I _should_ be happy that he was back, declaring his love for me, loving me so completely. Right now, I could not absorb what should be, as I mourned the death of who I was and all I had lost in his absence.

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><p><em><strong>N: Thank you so much for the reviews! Sorry it took me a little while to update this chapter. If you'd like a teaser for the next chapter, leave me a review. **_**:)**


	8. Chapter 8: Please Don't Go

**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of SM. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**EPOV: Chapter 8: Please Don't Go**

_Let's run away from these lies_

_Back to yesterday, safe tonight_

_I feel the sun creeping up like tick tock_

_I'm trying to keep you in my head but if not_

_Let's just keep running from tomorrow with our lips locked_

_You got my begging, begging, begging,_

_Baby please don't go_

_If I wake up tomorrow will you still be here_

_I don't know, if you feel the way I do_

_Baby please don't run away, from my bed_

* * *

><p>I held Bella in my arms while she cried, the salty smell of her tears filling the air, her body shuddering against my own. I had been a fool to consider leaving her, even more of a fool to believe it would make her <em>better<em>, make her _happier_, or keep her safe. Here she lay in my arms, sobs racking her body, seeming to empty her of months' worth of pain and heartache.

My mind flashed over this evening, my anger boiled at the perfect memory. When Bella had left the meadow, I had followed her, remaining hidden in the trees. If she had moved on with Ephraim Black's grandson, I would accept it, but I still wanted to make sure she was safe. When she had arrived to her house, she sat – perfectly frozen and shaking in her truck. It was then I decided to run into the woods – giving her privacy to pull herself together and talk with Jacob.

Hunting quickly, eager to return to Bella, I gave myself over to my senses, wandering deeper and deeper into the woods behind her home. A few miles south I found a small herd of deer and quickly drained seven of them, surprising even myself with the quickness of the errand. Too soon, I felt, I was returning back to the Swan home. I shook my head darkly, remembering how I felt enough time had passed to give Bella and Jacob some privacy before returning to eavesdrop on their conversation.

Anger had ignited in me when I heard Jacob's passionate confession, when he had dared to claim her as _his_, but all that could be forgiven until I had heard her frightened pleas. "_Please Jake! Stop! You're hurting me!"_ The rage had bubbled over, spilling uncontrollably through my body. In a thousandth of a second, I was in the house, in the room, restraining him from further harming her – or so I thought. His parting words to her, that she was better dead than with me, impacted her deeply. Now here she lay, in my arms, exhausted and spent, tears drying on her cheeks, pitiful sniffles signaling the nearing end to her outpouring.

"Bella, my love," I whispered. These were the first words I had said since his departure. "Bella, do you want to talk about it?"

Her breathing was ragged, but I felt her straighten in my arms, leaning back to peer up into my face. My dark t-shirt was now damp with her tears and clung to my chest, her fists still tangled in the wet material. "Not right now. We can talk about Jake – later. We need to talk about, what happened – last night. But I don't know if I can right now. I just feel so empty," her voice broke and choked on the words.

I nodded my understanding and with a feather light touch, brushed her hair from her face. "Of course. You've had quite a day, perhaps a shower and some food will make you feel better." As if answering, her stomach growled loudly, snarling its hunger, and she laughed. It was still a beautiful sound, but only an empty echo of what it had once been. I repositioned my arm to support the inside of her knees and scooped her up, pressing her tightly against my chest. Slowly I walked over to the tiny table in the kitchen and set her down at a chair. Pressing my lips to her forehead I whispered, "Let me make you something," and then turned to open the refrigerator.

The door opened easily, a bright bluish white light illuminating the scattered contents – there was produce, eggs, milk, assorted juices, and other unrecognizable human food. I had never cooked for myself as a human, and even if I had, surely cooking had changed somewhat in the last century. Puzzled, I pulled out a cartoon of eggs, a loaf of bread, and some vegetables. Hoping for some clue as to what would be good paired together, I peered over my shoulder towards Bella, and she sat stiffly in the chair, eyes glossed over, with a distant expression on her face.

I would have to do this on my own then.

Carefully, I set the eggs down, then the bread, and the assorted vegetables, and then reached back in for a bag of cheese for good measure. I pulled two slices of bread from the load and looked around the room, remembering that Bella enjoyed toast but unable to locate the little white toaster that typically sat on her counter near the stove. Pushing aside a few pizza boxes, I discovered the toaster pushed further back on the counter. I slipped a slice of bread into each slot, and then ever so slowly pushed down on the lever. Now the challenge: breaking the eggs without destroying them, I peeked over my shoulder again – still she looked as if her mind were somewhere else. A shiver ran down my spine as I remembered her reaction in the meadow, utterly convinced that she had lost her mind, was trapped within it, and her body laid unattended, unoccupied elsewhere. Was this what she would look like? Her body here stiff and still while her mind enjoyed a more happy existence?

I busied my hands with the task of making scrambled eggs, with spinach, tomatoes, peppers, and onions, covering it with cheese and piling it onto buttered toast. It smelled revolting, utterly disgusting, as its fragrance wafted up from the plate. Pouring Bella a glass of juice, I sat down next to her, sliding her plate closer to her and gently shaking her shoulders. She seemed to return to me then, slightly dazed and still distant, but she acknowledged the food in front of her. The fork speared the meal, one bite at a time, and I encouraged her with each swallow. Barely finishing half of the egg dish, she pushed it away stating she was full. My eyes took in the large portion remaining on her plate then her too slender figure, sunken cheeks, and dark eyes. "No, Bella, I need you to eat more," she did not acknowledge my request. "Bella, it smells terrible, I need you to finish eating this." Her fingers gripped the fork and began spearing bits of food again, she would return it to her mouth absently, then chew and swallow. Then she would repeat the process until only a few bites remained on her plate. With glazed over eyes, she returned the fork to the plate, and then continued to star off into the distance.

With one hand, I removed her plate, setting it in the sink in a blur of motion, and then returned to her side. "Bella, let's get you showered, you'll feel better afterwards, then we can talk, or you can sleep, or whatever you feel like you need to do." Numbly she nodded her agreement, rising to her feet, and ascending the stairs. I remained back as she entered her room, and it appeared almost robotic as she walked to the dresser pulling two drawers out for clothes, and then returned to the doorway to exit into the hall and enter the bathroom. My head cocked to the side as she sat on the floor next to the bathtub, arms crossed under her head as she leaned into the side of the tub.

"Bella?"

No answer.

"Bella, love?"

Still no answer.

In two strides I was at her side, one arm cradling her body while the other turned on the water and adjusted the temperature. "Bella, love – do you need help?" I was not sure if I could help with this, even if she needed it, and remain unaffected. Even with the thought of assisting her with removing her clothes, I could feel the familiar ache return low in my belly. I leaned my lips closer to ear and gently whispered, "Bella, love …"

As I whispered in her ear, she turned her head slightly so that our lips were now only a few inches apart. Her eyes slid closed and she pressed her lips to mine. The fire ignited within me immediately, her arms snaking behind my neck, drawing me closer. Pulling slightly back, I heard her groan with pleasure. Against my will, my lips began peppering her eyes and cheeks with kisses, then returned to her lips, down her chin and traced her jaw with my icy tongue.

The steam swirled around us, heightening her scent and illuminating a new scent in the air – the now familiar smell of her arousal. I moaned against her throat, feeling the uncomfortable tightness in my pants. Her lips were kissing each inch of me, her fingers deftly uncovering the skin not yet exposed. Shock hit me as I felt my shirt fall to the floor of the bathroom, her warm fingers exploring my chest, arms, and stomach.

My arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer to me, delighting in the skin to skin contact. I could not even recall how or when her shirt and bra had been removed, but now felt my fingers sliding towards the front of her jeans, flicking the button open and slowly pulling the zipper down. "God, Bella I want you."

"Edward," she breathed in between kisses and licks on my skin. I could feel the familiar fire building inside me, pushing me forward, urging me to be one with her, to claim her as mine, to be joined together intimately. It was then that I pulled back slightly, her jeans now forgotten, only the small fabric of her panties and my pants between us, I looked her in the eyes and whispered, "I want you Bella, but I need to know you want _me_ as well. I need you to know you are _awake_ and not asleep and that we are _really_ doing this."

It had been over a century since I had prayed, not believing that God could care for one such as me, but now, in her arms, the steam dancing around us, her scents filling my senses, needing to be whole with her, I prayed. I begged. I pleaded that she would want me the same as I wanted her, that she _needed_ me as I needed her. Ragged breathing filled the canyon between us, her eyes dark with desire, fingers curled into my skin, cheeks flushed.

"Yes, Edward, I want you, _only_ you, _always_ you," she whispered. My lips crashed down against hers with hunger and longing, claiming her as mine.

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><p><strong>AN: Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews! It was such a wonderful surprise today to find them in my email. I hope you are all enjoying the story. I'm sharing with you a teaser for my new story that I'm working on. It will be my first ever AH - I'm toying with the idea of having vamps in the story, but have not reached a final decision. Currently will be written 100% BPOV. I'm still working on a title for it but here's a sneak peak - leave me a review with your thoughts!**

_WIP: The Servant (Title may change)_

_Summary: Upon the King's death, Isabella is forced to marry a Council Advisor's son, James. As a wedding gift from the neighboring realm of Tyr, a bronze haired servant is sent as a wedding gift. You just may be surprised by the twist!_

_Teaser:_

_I felt the warm oils on my back first, followed by his strong hands and knowing fingers. My skin hummed where he touched me, an electric shock penetrating my skin, leaving hot gooseflesh where his touch had previously been. Warmth spread through my body, twisting low into my belly, tightening my nipples, and blurring sweetly around the edges of my limbs. The reaction of my body to his touch was unexpected, shocking even._

_He chuckled darkly, the sound of it so odd that I stole a glance at his face, it was dark and humorless. Long fingers dug gently into my sides, pulling the muscles and further relaxing them. A low moan escaped my lips and I instantly felt embarrassed by my primal reaction to his touch. Blood rushed to the surface of my skin, heating me further, and pooled in my cheeks, throat, and the swell above my breasts._

_The air was thick with silence and the tension between us, neither of us wanting to be the first to speak. "How does your back feel, your highness?" he whispered, his voice was guttural and hoarse._

_"Fine. Better. It feels better now, thank you Jasper."_

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><p><strong>You'll have to be on the lookout to figure this one out! ;-)<strong>


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